Really, it’s true…Stable is a real word

You can have mental illness and be stable….it is possible. So many I know feel so helpless because they are being treated by pdocs that really don’t care or know what is going on in current MI medicine and treatment. 5 months ago I was forced to change things around and I love my primary but I found out that the way she prescribed my medications improperly for my dx….now that I deal with someone who only deals with MI I have noticed I am far more stable and feel like I can have a future now where once it seemed hopeless.

I would never wish this or any other illness on anyone. I do recommend to all those with BP1 that you talkk to the doc about mood stabalizers instead of antidepressants because a good mood stabilizer will definitely make life far more tolerable.

I am not a Dr, just someone who has been playing this game for 25 years now and I finally have the needed answers, so if I can help anyone not waste as much time as I have then that is certainly a bonus.

Keep fighting the fight , one day you will win

Change

I write about change a lot because it is something I have a terrible time with. Today, in a few hours, I will be going for more injections in my spine. Not my idea of a great time and certainly not a move I would have anticipated 20 year ago. However, when it comes to my body I am able to accept that I won’t be able to walk much or move about for a few days because of the change my body will go through with this procedure. Change. My body changes slowly and my environment is pretty stable but my brain can sure make a good go of it when it comes to simple things like injections in the spine. I am slowly starting to accept change  because it is always happening. So for those out there that fight it like me remember it will always be happening. As many before have said it is inevitable as the seasons themselves change so must we.

Meds

Whether you have any illness the last thing you want to hear is that you will be without your meds for a week. Well that was my week. I was told Monday my script would be filled yet it didn’t get filled until Thursday. Just enough time for the medication to completely leave my system and for me to be reminded of how horrible it is to live with a brain and body that simply want to fight each other.

I can’t remember the last 2 days. I have spent most of them sleeping while the medication re enters my system. Surprisingly I made it through the week without major incident. Boy it was a lot of hard work though keeping myself under societal control. It is a damn shame that those without physical or mental issues judge what they don’t know.

There are many day I wish I was “normal” but when I start whining for “normal” I am reminded in some way that “normal” isn’t my path….Thankfully!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

The little things….

This applies to everyone in life. As we age we take on more and more responsibility, giving us less and less time for ourselves. We have so many things that bombard us daily that we forget the little things we do in life for others and also ourselves. Today I will share about one little thing I have started doing again.

My whole life I have always worn mascara but no make up. My eyes are a bright blue with mascara. Well with each child my skin care routine got to be less and less until I wasn’t doing anything about it unless showering.

Well, for about 3 weeks not I have been remembering to deep clean my face with a facial every morning, putting mascara on also an aging cream(lol). I must say I am walking around with my head held higher and feeling more confident in everything I do. Now I don’t know what exactly is helping the self esteem…looking in the mirror and liking my reflection or the compliments I have been getting. Either way it feels good to feel good.

I am sharing because I feel we forget the little things that make us feel good about ourselves as we get older….so this is a reminder to take 5 minutes for you every day any way you wish and I bet you start liking what you see in the mirror too.

Things are Good

I find I am always afraid to be happy because , I know this is dumb, but…I feel if bad things happen to others it is my fault because I was happy. I know it sounds out there but it has dictated my behaviors and my depressive state for a very long time now.

I am not entirely sure why I am writing about it today. Nothing bad is happening in my world. Everyone I lvoe is safe tonight yet I find I can’t enjoy that. I really don’t enjoy much. BUt I am not depressed.

I have simply had to make my life streamlined in order to get the the daily motions of being a daughter, mother, friend, student and girlfriend. That is quite a bit for someone who has severe mental illness(s).

There has been so much positive change in my world but it is happening all in the midst of chaos, so I am having a hard time understanding reality.

I have been living in a deja vu for a couple of weeks now. I absolutely hate that because it usually means something bad is going to happen. I don’t look for the bad but I do fear it after all I ahve been through.

Hopefully I am finally able to get some rest. Sweet Dreams and Peace to all out there!!!!

Day 11

Other than exhaustion from having 5 children and 4 adults to care for the blending of 2 families is going pretty smooth. I am learning to let things finally roll off my back. My mental issues seem to be in check thus far and things are getting accomplished.

I apologize for my short blogs. I have so much I want to share but by the time I can get to it I am plum exhausted.

My new meds are definitely working. I am feeling less anxiety and am by far having a better routine by sleeping at night and most importantly learning a day time routine where a nap isn’t required. So far so good. Woohoo!!!!