I find I am always afraid to be happy because , I know this is dumb, but…I feel if bad things happen to others it is my fault because I was happy. I know it sounds out there but it has dictated my behaviors and my depressive state for a very long time now.
I am not entirely sure why I am writing about it today. Nothing bad is happening in my world. Everyone I lvoe is safe tonight yet I find I can’t enjoy that. I really don’t enjoy much. BUt I am not depressed.
I have simply had to make my life streamlined in order to get the the daily motions of being a daughter, mother, friend, student and girlfriend. That is quite a bit for someone who has severe mental illness(s).
There has been so much positive change in my world but it is happening all in the midst of chaos, so I am having a hard time understanding reality.
I have been living in a deja vu for a couple of weeks now. I absolutely hate that because it usually means something bad is going to happen. I don’t look for the bad but I do fear it after all I ahve been through.
Hopefully I am finally able to get some rest. Sweet Dreams and Peace to all out there!!!!
